This diary was for my second pregnancy.  I didn’t record my first pregnancy nor its miscarriage.  This time I recorded the pregnancy in the hope that it would go to term.  Unfortunately, it didn’t and the diary is only a month long (started at my 5th week and ended in my 8th week).  It’s not very detailed, originally it just a record of some symptoms and feelings to diarise my pregnancy, but later a record of how things went after the miscarriage.

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September 12, 2010 09:42

Got a positive pregnancy test result yesterday afternoon (Saturday) and another positive this morning (had to be sure).  Funny though, when I did a test on Wednesday it was negative.  I’m nervous and excited.  Hope this one stays 🙂

Mood:  Happy

Energy:  A little lazy

Appetite:  Starving!

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  Nope

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September 13, 2010 14:49

Booked a doctor’s appointment today for Thursday.  Spoke with doc first on the phone, he’s happy for me and agreed that it’s reasonable to request an early scan, due to my previous miscarriage.  He said he’d put the request in, but he said it’s up to the hospital to decide.

Mood:  Tired

Energy:  Not much

Appetite:  Healthy

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  Nope

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September 16, 2010  09:30

Doctor’s visit today was nice, he was reassuring and apologetic (unnecessarily so) about not being more attentive when I first got negative symptoms last time.  I’m ok with it, he can’t indulge EVERY worried pregnant woman’s concerns!  I reckon every pregnant woman is a worried woman.  He said though if happens again I can self refer directly to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital and don’t need to call him.

Weight: 72.5kg

Height: 73 cm

Mood:  Normal

Energy:  Medium

Appetite:  Fruit!

Cravings:  Fruit!

Morning Sickness:  Nope 🙂

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September 18, 2010  14:34

We went for a touristy walk with Gray in a neighbouring village today.  We had a little map with details of historic buildings and things.  It was nice, glad we did it, I was overdue for a bit of exercise.  I stopped my yoga classes ever since I found out I was pregnant again.  Did the classes right through last time and this time I’m avoiding all possible factors.  Especially since those classes are very abdomen focused.

Mood:  Less

Energy:  Fair

Appetite:  So-so

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  No

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September 19, 2010  19:28

Tired and a bit lethargic today but can’t sleep which is irritating.  So I end up in bed in the middle of the day or early at night and can’t sleep easily, grrr.

Mood:  Catch cold

Energy:  Fair

Appetite:  Fair

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  Still just nauseous

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September 20, 2010  17:27

Some occasional cramps in my ovaries or around there, feel like period pains. Bit worried about them because those same cramps led to miscarriage last time but then it was worse and I was spotting then bleeding. Holding thumbs all is well. Managed to keep my mind off it for most of the day so far.

Mood:  Worry

Energy:  Ok

Appetite:  Normal

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  Waves of nausea

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September 24, 2010  09:33

Confirmed my booking appointment with hospital on 26 October. Holding thumbs all goes well til then…

Mood:  Doubt

Energy:  Medium

Appetite:  Not very hungry

Cravings:  No cravings really, but gone off muesli

Morning Sickness:  Bad nausea last night and this morning

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October 02, 2010  23:00

Been feeling amorous over the last few days and again tonight, which is unusual so often, but not unheard of. Hope it keeps up, nice having me like this more often.

Mood:  Tired

Energy:  Quite energetic but then got whacked tired!

Appetite:  Normal, was ravishingly hungry yesterday though

Cravings:  Wine! Didn’t indulge even one sip though

Morning Sickness:  Not even nauseous today

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October 04, 2010  14:45

Worried as all hell! Bright red blood on toilet paper this morning, but not pouring out and not coming onto panty liner. Called hospital they said to wait and see til this afternoon then call back. No cramps but do feel odd down there. Had headaches all of yesterday. Did exert myself a bit over both weekend days but didn’t do heavy moving. If I was a nail biter I’d be biting all right!

Mood:  Scared

Energy:  Trying to relax in body and mind

Appetite:  Fairly hungry

Cravings:  None

Morning Sickness:  None, but bright red blood this morning!

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October 05, 2010  10:21

Apparently my hcg levels, from yesterdays blood test, are about 2900 which is what its supposed to be for a 5 week pregnancy, but I’m in my 8th week and these hormones are supposed to double every day! I’m supposed to have levels of around 17000 by now! They say I might have my dates wrong, but I’m 100% sure about my dates. I’m losing this one too 🙁

Mood:  Angry

Energy:  Stayed in bed all day with the curtains closed

Appetite:  Had three meals, not my usual several little eats

Cravings:  Oh red wine! Did not indulge…

Morning Sickness:  No, but I think that’s all over now

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October 06, 2010  09:15

Did another blood test today, results say hcg now 400 so I’m clearly miscarrying again. Going to doc tomorrow to sign consent forms for d&c to be booked asap.

Mood:  Crushed

Energy:  Not much

Appetite:  Fair appetite but I’m picking rather than eating. Really only eating out of habit At the moment.

Cravings:  Red wine! This time I had some!

Morning Sickness:  No more nausea, or perhaps not noticeable because of the cramping and bleeding!

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October 07, 2010  14:00

Went to hospital and booked a d&c date for this coming Monday first thing. Signed consent forms, did group and save blood test and did an ECG (don’t know results but probably fine) for the palpitations I sometimes get. Got weighed, measured height (5 foot 7 inches), answered and asked questions, my blood pressure is apparently that of a teenager (114/75) according to the nurse, pulse 71 regular & good volume. All set for Monday 🙁

Weight: 69.5kg

Mood:  Normal

Energy:  Fair

Appetite:  Fair

Cravings:  Right…

Morning Sickness:  Thing of the past now I think…

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October 08, 2010  09:05

Incontinence pads are the best possible type of pad for this type of bleed and I have complete faith in them now. I’m bleeding a lot more today, although nowhere CLOSE to the gushing I had last time.

Mood:  Tired

Energy:  Don’t want to move much as I’m bleeding a LOT today and moving makes it come out more

Appetite:  Fair

Cravings:  Humph!

Morning Sickness:  …

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October 10, 2010  18:19

The D&C is tomorrow.  I’m nervous (as anyone else would be I’m sure) for the risks involved, but as my therapist said just before the D&C of my last miscarriage: “You need to have faith in the pilot, he knows how to fly the plane.”

Mood:  A bit depressed

Energy:  Fair

Appetite:  Fair

Cravings:  Nearly finished a tin of caramel

Morning Sickness:  I have a knot in my stomach, does that count?

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October 10, 2010 16:47

So I didn’t need the procedure after all, and it turns out a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) and ERPC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception) are two very different things.  A D&C is a scrape and an ERPC is a suction.  Either way, I escaped them.  They did a scan on Monday and found that I’m all clear…  I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere before!  Well I hope this time, they were right and I really AM clear.  So far so good, I stopped bleeding this weekend.  I’m not sure whether to t trust it quite yet though as last time the bleeding also stopped for a week or so then came back with a vengeance!

Mood:  good

Energy:  better than it’s been in a while

Appetite:  normal

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October 21, 2010 09:16

Tomorrow would have been the due date of my first baby.  So crazy to know that I’ve already lost a second one before the original due date even arrived!  I was so happy when I found that I was pregnant again BEFORE the original due date.  Now I’ve lost 2 🙁  Oh well, life goes on.  I’m now physically completely over it, for about a week afterwards it was in a bit of an ‘underwater’ state.  I felt ok, but I felt a little ‘under’ although not depressed.  Perhaps the hormones were still strong in my system, probably.  Everything’s gone now, hormones seem mostly out, I have more energy and I feel happier, although I must admit I do think about it every day, not often for long, but it always crosses my mind.

Mood:  somewhere between absolutely fine and a bit sad

Energy:  good, went cycling yesterday, didn’t last long, but glad I did it

Appetite:  the same as it’s always been really

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Things got a bit complicated after this so I’ve chosen to end the ‘diary’ here and post it as a new page.