My very dear friend Dimitra has two children and has never had a miscarriage.  What follows is a Skype conversation that we had shortly after the first miscarriage:

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09/04/2010

Dimitra: how are you feeling emotionally , physically

Ulla: so so

Ulla: cried a bit today again

Ulla: it doesn’t last long – but best to let it out when it comes

Ulla: the bleeding has started to stop now

Ulla: and the cramps are almost gone too

Ulla: now that all the pain and bleeding is going away – all the thoughts and emotions are starting

Dimitra: ai man… this must be really hard. hope you will be ok soon

Ulla: yeah it’s crap – but i keep trying to remind myself of the good side of this

Ulla: 1 – we now get another chance to prepare financially

Dimitra: its weird how even i have sort of formed a bond with that (in my mind baby) feotus? i can imagine how much worse it must be for you.

Ulla: 3 – i can go to south africa for Jacqui’s (and your!!) wedding(s) now J

Ulla: 4 – i plan to have a bump again then!!

Ulla: 5 – and it’ll be easier to travel than with a baby right?

Dimitra: the body has a wonderful way of (sounds nasty) but getting rid of things that are not well…

Ulla: 6 – i had already given notice of resignation at my job – was going to leave in september – now i can leave earlier i hope

Ulla: 7 – we can now maybe move into another more suitable place for a family – without me being pregnant and not able to help as much as I normally would

Dimitra: not happy at job?

Ulla: well it’s too far to travel

Ulla: i get to work from home twice a week but it’s still very far to travel on other days

Dimitra: ok….i see

Ulla: 8 – relationship wise, gray and i had a trial run of what life is like when we’re pregnant – and how it changes things (or could have changed things)

Ulla: 9 – my body has now had a trial run of what it’s like to be pregnant – and it has a higher chance of doing better next time

Dimitra: ok i get the picture—

Ulla: i’m trying to find 10 good things ok….

—the conversation moved on to other things from there which was fine with me as I WAS harping on—